Well, hi there.
- All photography currently featured on this website is courtesy of Erin Parker Photography, (c)2010.
Well, hi there.
We’ve been watching Friends, Grant and I. I remember a lot of it from when it was on TV TWENTY YEARS AGO but I haven’t seen any of it since then. Grant has NEVER watched it.
We just finished “The One Where Everyone Finds Out” and as we were turning off the TV and walking into another room, I stopped Grant and asked,
“Do you love me like Chandler loves Monica?”
and he said,
“No, of course not. Ours is better because theirs is a fake TV love.”
I am NOT the type for making New Year’s Resolutions. In the past when I’ve attempted to do so, I’ve done it because I supposed I had to and my heart was never really in it. Something inspired me this year, though, and before I knew it I had a LONG list. They’re mostly simple things. Things that can be accomplished a day at a time, and when I slip for a day or a week, I can just get back on track the next week. That’s what I like about these resolutions so far (and honestly, the word “goals” feels better to me, but you know, in the spirit of cultural tradition and all…) – they’ll make a BIG difference in my life, but the achievement factor seems pretty easy.
So what’s on my list? Here is a sample:
In the past I think I’ve chosen one sort of abstract thing – “get better at” or “achieve this one thing by the end of the year” but as I’ve gotten older … well, now I just know better. Choosing daily, weekly, and monthly goals is more about forming habits. And the Christmas cards thing? That’s more of a reminder to myself. Hopefully I’m still using this list in November. Because every year it occurs to me on about December 23.
Did you make any resolutions this year? How have your resolutions changed over time?
For the last several days my memory has relentlessly been digging up reminders of what a stupid teenager I was. No idea why, other than possibly a little too much free time.
Quick, someone remind me that I’m a decent human being.
Many months ago, enough months that I don’t remember how many but I’m guessing maybe even a full year at this point, our bed frame fell apart.
Back before I met Grant, he lived with two of his cousins and things like this happened:
That is Grant diving onto a couch. That poor couch. It never stood a chance.
So just take this photo and replace that couch with our bed and…. yeah. I married a 10-year old.
To be fair, neither of us LOVED the bed, but we had it, it was ours, he dove on it, goodbye bed.
So our mattress/box spring has been on the floor for months and I don’t know, I feel like I don’t actually LIVE in a place if my bed is ON THE FLOOR. Just me. So, this year we decided to finally buy ourselves another bed in lieu of Christmas presents.
Marriage is exciting, you guys.
Life has been so CRAZY lately.
At some point, hopefully sooner than later, I am going to sit down and detail for you the last two months (well, maybe just the beginning of November, mostly, because EUROPE), but until then, let it be known that I am STILL working on the Doctor Who Christmas Tree Ornaments (I think they will never be done, because I have only completed about a quarter of the ones I originally designed, and as you know, this show will still be playing when I am dead, so there will never be an end to characters which need to be designed for my tree) but at least I have a COUPLE I can use this year, and in the mean time, I made some other ornaments that look just as awesome and are just as geeky but were way less time intensive:
That’s a couple of them on the tree. I made about twenty Star Trek and Star Wars ornaments (salt dough, cookie cutters, baked til they’re nice and hard, craft paint. Easy peasy) so now it’s not a Doctor Who tree, but it’s still a Space Fiction tree.
I’ll take it.
In other news, I decided to dust off ye olde recording equipment and do a nice little cover of a Christmas song, as I tend to do every year, only better this year because I’m using my nice stuff to record it, and I’m going to send the song to everyone who bought “Homemade” earlier this year. I definitely still owe all of you a few more songs too. Someday I will focus on music. I will. I want to.
Live long and prosper. And sing.
I’ve been freeeeeeeeaking out lately. I’ve been feeling unsettled and uninspired and unEVERYTHINGYOUCANIMAGINE.
Someday I write about it all but at the moment it’s still sort of got to be kept under wraps.
When I was a kid, my mom spent a lot of time cross-stitching. Every Christmas she’d make my brother and I a cross-stitched Christmas tree ornament with our name and the year on it. She stitched elaborate pieces of art as wedding gifts and for her own walls. At some point that hobby sort of faded into others, but I vividly remember her sitting in her chair, a blanket on her lap and a hoop and needle in her hands. I tried it once or twice when I was a kid, but I would get frustrated and give up if I made a mistake, so it never really lasted.
Recently, though, I’ve discovered something similar that is really calming – hand stitching.
I started these guys a year ago, intending to have them done and hanging on a tree by Christmas. I cut all the pieces and then just couldn’t decide on the best way to fasten them all together (glue? sewing on the sewing machine? hand stitching?) and so they just never got done. I finally made a decision about a week ago, and I’ve been on a rampage ever since. Well – as much of a rampage as one can sustain while doing something as slow and methodical and stitching by hand. But it’s been AMAZING. It makes my brain quiet. It makes my hands quiet. It makes my heart quiet. There hasn’t been a lot of quiet in my life lately (mostly my own doing, I admit) and something as simple as this has brought it all down a few notches.
I can see why my mom used to spend hours doing this stuff.
I think once these guys are done, I might start designing some non-licensed-character ornaments to sell on Etsy, or maybe make these as gifts. I’ve also been pinning the heck out of some embroidery tutorials. It’s nice to have found something so simple that feels so right? Does that sound cheesy? I know it does. Don’t judge.
What’s calming you lately?
On Sunday an event invitation made its way to me on Facebook.
On Monday, for some reason I can’t even articulate, I decided to go back and read some of the archives at Courtney903.wordpress.com. They’re still there.
I like me then, even though I could be a little abrasive at times.
I have been hearing this sentiment a lot lately, but I miss the old blogging days. Many people have commented on the way the communities have changed, and I have noticed that too. Some people have commented that the internet is so much more public now, and I really hear that. I mean, it was always public, but it’s harder to go unnoticed these days, with grandmothers and their Facebook accounts. But what I miss most was just my own openness; the time I had to myself to think and strive to be thoughtful and encouraging (I failed sometimes, but who doesn’t fail sometimes?). I think something changed in me when I went self-hosted. Even though I never really hid my identity on the other iterations of my blog, this space made me feel especially exposed. Honestly, it still does, sometimes.
I really want to blog like the old days. I really want to look at the world and see the good and come back and tell you all about it. I want that desperately.
And I tell myself, someday.
But Monday, I had my past self. I had my archives. I had that good attitude and helping spirit shining forward to me from years ago, and I think if I hadn’t gone back to read my old blog on my lunch break, I would have missed the best opportunity I have had in a long while.
Did you read that link to my blog up there? Let me give you another chance. When I wrote this particular post, I was still living in Murfreesboro, working retail, finding solace from a job I hated in the wonderful people I got to work with. A few months earlier, I had a little coffee shop show and almost everyone I worked with showed up (along with a few other friends, to boot). I felt loved and supported and like maybe, after nearly a year in Tennessee, I might finally belong here. So when a friend and coworker told me about her senior art show, I made it a point to go, because I knew how great that felt. And seeing the smile on her face when I showed up – priceless. I don’t think about it much, but reading this post took me back. I still see it clearly.
A few people commented on the post – I was still getting comments in those days, ha! – and the overall sentiment was yeah! awesome! keep doing stuff like that! The first comment was Eric’s.
On Sunday an event invitation made its way to me on Facebook, from Eric. He was going to be here, promoting his new book (seriously, how cool is that?). Grant was out of town, it was short notice to invite anyone else (I did try, but you know, short notice), so I was on the fence about attending. But on Monday, I read that post, and I knew it wasn’t an option anymore.
I walked into the tiny little book store (one minute early and the first one there. no one told me book readings don’t start on time) and cautiously stepped into the back room. He was the only one there. And he looked up. And I said hello. And that friend at her senior art show? His face did the same thing.
I mean, I guess the point of all of this is – wow, our blogging community, all of these years later. These connections may very well last a lifetime. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being my friend.
And also – go out and support your fellow humans. The high is so much better than any high you’ll find by trying to help yourself.
I’ve been considering a lot of “next steps” lately. I’m beginning to feel a bit like a kid with “Senioritis,” knowing there is an end (and a beginning) in sight, but not having the power to get there, not yet.
A lot of the issue with that “not yet” has been fear. Of course. Fear of my own abilities, fear of change, fear of failure. Fear fear fear. But I’m really tired of being afraid. Truly. And the best way to make big changes is to take baby steps. My first baby step, today, was making this list:
If things changed tomorrow, life would be terrifying. Maybe it’s time for that.
But… not quite tomorrow.
Right now I’m hanging out in bed with a glass of sangria and my ipad (except now I’m on Millie the Macbook for ease of blogging, but just a second ago – the ipad) feeling pretty proud of myself. Grant and I got up fairly early this morning (for a weekend, anyway, but make no mistake. We let the sun get up before us), made coffee and breakfast, watched an episode of Voyager (Sci-Fi Saturday Mornings are my thing – like grown up Saturday Morning Cartoons – unless I get so unbelievably hooked on a show that my life turns into Sci-Fi Anytime until I make it to the end *ahem-Battlestar Galactica-ahem*) and then got to work.
Clean clothes which have been piled on chairs on Grant’s side of the room for months? Folded and put away. Extra hangers laying everywhere? Put away. Piles of clothes in lumpy messes in the closet? Looking like a retail shop again. And the best thing is – three closets (THREE! CLOSETS!) were all totally torn apart and put together again. There is a pile as tall as me for donation and recycling sitting by our front door.
For. The. Win.
The biggest thing we decided to do when we committed to living here longer-term than we originally planned was go through everything (and I mean – again! – because we did this a little over a year ago when I moved in) and decide what could go and where it should go. That second part is possibly the more important piece there, because we have had almost one entire closet FULL of towels for the last year. Of course they all get used, because I hate laundry, but then we have baskets and baskets of towels everywhere and it takes three days just to wash all of them! (our washer/dryer – oh, we’re so thankful to have one at all up here – is itty bitty). I’ve been meaning to get rid of AT LEAST half of them since the moment I set foot in this place, but the thing is – what do you do with towels? That is way too much stuff to just throw away, but surely Goodwill doesn’t take towels right? Even the ones you’ve never used?
(side note: we did NOT register for towels for our wedding, and we only received one rogue pair of towels as a gift. This was a pre-existing condition, mostly leftover from my college days wherein I accepted a whole boat-load (probably literally) of lost-and-found towels from the swimming pool where I worked, and also got towels and more towels and even more towels as graduation gifts. Grant had a similar hoarding problem, although his seemed to be specialized in the hand towel and washcloth segment of the terrycloth madness)
Well, google is my friend. Animal shelters take towels! We now have two giant trash bags full of towels and I hope some puppy stays very dry because of them.
Anyway, we just really needed to make this place comfortable again and we are so well on our way. We’ve made lots and lots of improvements over the last year – both aesthetically and functionally, and we have lots more to make (hello, I still do not know what to do with our bikes that we never even ride because HI three flights of stairs), but I really believe we can make two bedroom living work for us for a long time (talk to me again in a couple years when we (hopefully) have a kid running around. ack).
And that’s why I’m laying in bed relaxing. Because the living room is a mess.